Nurturing Your Fire: The Art of Managing Your Energy

The other day, my husband and I treated ourselves to a day at the co-ed day spa, basking in an afternoon of luxurious rest and relaxation. With five different types of saunas, two steam rooms, a salt caldarium, multiple cold plunge baths, warm baths, hot tubs indoor and out, a silent room for reading and napping, a café and no phones allowed, it’s the perfect place to treat yourself. Having discovered this haven in October, we've turned it into a monthly ritual. This most recent time though, we went ahead of schedule, on an ‘emergency’ visit.

The night prior, I observed my partner completely depleted of energy. He’d had a jam-packed week of non-stop activity, day and night. It was Sunday evening, and he was looking worse for wear. His face drained of color, his body bearing the weight of fatigue, his actions slow and laborious. Recognizing the need for immediate rest, I suggested he take the next day off as a personal health day. This would allow him to recharge immediately so that he could work at full capacity for the rest of the week, rather than push past his limits trying to make it to Friday, sacrificing the quality of his work, and more importantly, his sanity along the way. His words, filled with an innate sense of responsibility, brushed off my suggestion, but the look in his eyes begged me to keep pushing, so I sweetened the pot with a trip to the spa. Finally, he agreed, with an expression of relief.

As we lay in silence in the wood-fired sauna the next day, taking in the smell of the burning logs, listening to the crackling of the fire, watching the flames dance about, and reveling in the comforting hug of the dry heat, a staff member entered to tend the fire. I observe him moving bits about, giving a little wiggle to the hot coals, blowing air into the heart of the fire, and eventually arranging a new log on top. Given the context of where we are and why we’re there, it strikes me in that mesmerized moment, that managing one’s energy is akin to minding a fire.

Our inner fire, like an actual fire, demands three crucial elements: heat, fuel, and oxygen.

Heat (Passion): Passion is the spark that ignites the fire within. Just as a fire needs a source of heat to initiate, cultivating and channeling your passion is essential to elicit enthusiasm and motivation in your life. Anything(s) that lights you up – be it relationships, nature, career, hobbies, sports, and/or something else – can be your source of heat, and even a little bit can go a long way.

Fuel (Nourishment): Proper sustenance, both physical and mental, acts as the fuel to keep your fire burning. This includes healthy habits, positive relationships, and fulfilling experiences. It’s important to note that, there is plenty of fuel you can add to a fire that will burn, but not all of them are the right fuel. For example, plastic may burn, but is poisonous; wet wood might eventually catch fire but will put off a lot of smoke; and you could add a little gas, but that can become quickly unmanageable if not carefully done. Like adding proper tinder, safe kindling, and dry firewood to build a strong fire, you must provide your inner fire with quality nourishment for it to burn brightly and sustainably.

Oxygen (Space to Breathe): Fire needs air and just enough space for oxygen to flow through to be sustained, just as rest and fresh air nurture your inner energy. Prioritizing self-care, getting out into nature, spending time with your breath, and finding moments of stillness replenish your energy. Managing your time, setting boundaries, and creating a balanced environment contribute help to keep the flames alive.

A fire will continue to burn until one of the elements above is removed or reduced too dramatically. Regularly assessing and adjusting these elements is imperative. Recognizing what feeds your fire, even at its smallest, makes a significant difference in sustaining it.

Tinder (The Little Things): Incorporate small yet impactful practices act as tinder to ignite your inner fire. Quality sleep, eating whole and unprocessed food, safe and supportive connection with at least one person, small increments of meditation or deep breathing exercises, and short walks outside for fresh air and gentle movement, are the initial steps that serve as the foundation for igniting your inner fire, catching quickly and easily. When your fire weakens, return to these tools to reignite the flame.

Kindling (Incremental Additions): Infuse your routine with incremental positive actions, like adding kindling, help to sustain and build your fire. Develop habits of self-care, deepen your meditation practice, engage in self-reflection, incorporate joyful movement, explore creative activities, and indulge in meaningful conversations with loved ones. Kindling varies in size, just like your efforts should too. It’s not about throwing all the kindling on at once, just add what you can, when you can.

Firewood (Sustaining Momentum): Larger commitments and substantial efforts are the firewood that keeps your flames burning strong. Spend more time in the relationships and places that contribute positively to your well-being. Seek adventure and exploration, stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing new opportunities. Experience personal growth by learning a language, engaging in a hobby, or acquiring knowledge in a specific area. Partaking in non-work ‘work’ like a side hustle or volunteer work. Give yourself big self-care experiences, like a massage, or participate in a group meditation class, like a sound bath. Adding significant elements such as these to your life can contribute to your overall energy and zest for life when you’ve got a strong foundation to support them.

Balance is key to maintaining a manageable and controlled fire within. An excessively large, unbalanced, or smothered fire poses risks with serious consequences. Knowing what to look out for is imperative to avoid them.

Burnout (Fire Going Out): Just as a fire can be smothered by excessive fuel, so can your energy. Overexertion, overcommitting, and neglecting self-care may lead to burnout, causing your inner fire to die out.

Wildfire (Uncontrolled Chaos): A wildfire symbolizes energy spiraling out of control. Be cautious not to let your pursuits and commitments grow into a chaotic wildfire destroying everything in its path.

Managing your energy, like stoking a fire, is an art—an ongoing process that requires attentiveness and strategic action to ensure balance.

Observing your energy levels and taking intentional actions to maintain intensity are crucial. Adding something too big, too soon, may smother and extinguish a weak fire, so know that it is always an option to remove firewood and kindling as needed.

Ask yourself questions to gauge your energy levels, understand your capacity, and find balance:

• How's my fire today? Answer on a scale of 1-10.

• What does my fire look like today? Describe your energy.

• What does my fire need today? Oxygen? Kindling? Removal or addition of a log?

Building and maintaining your internal fire is a skill that takes practice, awareness, and regulation. Nourish your passion, fuel your body and mind, create space to breathe, and tend to your fire with care to keep the flames alive, vibrant, and resilient throughout your life's journey.